Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
