OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
