Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
