Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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