i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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