If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
