Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
