i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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