The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
