Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
