ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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