they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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