How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
