you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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