She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
