i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
