I feel great
I just peed on a car
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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