How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
