Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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