He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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