Plan B is the new Plan A
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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