why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
