Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Randomize
