somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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