I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
