My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
