I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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