I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
