These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nutella sex= disaster
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
