I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
