Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
