We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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