That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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