So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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