I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
pray to the hookup gods
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