she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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