My nipple is on Facebook.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
