whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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