hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
