grandma shit on top of the toilet
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
