The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Im part way to drunk.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
