Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
