Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
