Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
We were destined to go to rehab together
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
