i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
