I think I just saw someone hide a body.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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