My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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