So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
