i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
