I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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