We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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