....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
