everyone is single if you try hard enough
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
