He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
