Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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