this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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