I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
