I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
